Keeping that door open

Earl called this morning.

He's been paying, every two weeks just like clockwork.

Sat the check wasn't there. I figured he put it in the mail late and I was secretly thinking he was finally making the break by ditching me. I figured I would wait until Tuesday then call if it wasn't there. I was really expecting his number to be changed and him to be gone. I've come to realize that I never know what to expect.

He called this morning. Just wanted to let me know he was goign to pay but he is late. Didn't want me to think he was ditching me. Haha...that's exactly what I thought. That's exactly what he has done over and over again.

Then he told me he was sorry for everything and that he still thinks about me alot. I confessed I think about him too. He told me that Dana tried to stay friends with him and Deb. I told him how things with Dana had gone down and how fucked up Dana's family was. I told him how I ended it for good on New Year's Eve. I also told him I didn't care if they all stayed friends, it meant nothing to me. He assured me that they weren't. Whatever.

He said he misses talking to me.

Doesn't he know how wrecked he has made things? I can't imagine myself without him and yet I can never be with him. Limbo. What a sucky place to be.

I hope someday I will just stop thinking about him. I hope. But somehow I don't think so.