Guess I should clarify

We're talking. Not really planning. It's not quite as calculated as that.

He told me yesterday that he will be cancelling the wedding. He wishes he had never agreed to it. He never asked her to marry him. She said she wants to be married by the time she's 45 and he said ok, to appease her. I told him that I never want to get married like that.

It feels different this time because HE is talking about how this will go down. He has already had conversations with her about what would happen if they split and she will move to Manchester, NH with her daughters. He is totally talking from his perspective and his life. He hasn't asked me to leave Dana although he already knows that I am. He did say that he hopes when we come out of these relationships we are in now that we will be together. He acknowledged how much he has hurt me and said he wouldn't blame me if I ran in the opposite direction.

I am soo in love with him and have been since the moment I laid eyes on him. I just can't get over this. Sometimes it hurts soooo bad to think of all we could be and have together but it's just hasn't happened.

I know...I need to protect my heart. History tells me that I'm probably not gonna win this time either. If it falls through again, it will be like he died in my mind and that will be it. It will have to be or I will have to be committed.