Losing my mind (again)

consider this your warning that there may be lots of crying and whining on here for awhile (even more than usual)

We are planning.

Yeah I know it's looked like this before. That's kinda what I told him. It does feel different but I'm still not holding my breath. This time, he is actively pursuing, calling often. Now he not only tells me that he loves me but that he is IN love with me. He said yesterday that we should have been together a long time ago. I simply agreed.

I swear my stomach and heart and mind and soul are going to explode. I can't take another disappointment. If it falls through this time I HAVE to put him OUT OF MY LIFE FOR GOOD. I have to. He HAS to choose me and put me first this time. He HAS to worry about MY feelings and not hers and his and everyone's but mine.

I've known for awhile that it's close to being over with Dana. I tried. I truly did. But I can't cope with his immaturity and neediness. I have tried to coddle that hoping that he would gain confidence but he hasn't let up. He hasn't grown up at all.

Dana and I will be done when it's right for me and/or for him. I'm not basing it on Earl. I will be done with Dana either way which is why I have to be sure I can manage on my financially. Also once this is done I can't let him back in again.

I think I need to stay put for winter (unless Dana decides to call it quits) but by next Spring I will be single again. For how long? Who knows but I sure hope Earl doesn't keep me waiting too long for the answer, no matter which way it goes.

How many times does the old dog have to run in a circle before she realizes she's in a circle?