Stepping back

After some careful thought I know I need to just step back. I have to let Dana work things out on his end. It's his house, his family, his problem. All I can do is listen when he needs me to, offer up food for thought and then leave it alone.

It has started to become evident (in my mind anyways) that they are certain that he and I will not make it together. They have been nice when I go to their house but they have made no effort to come to where we live. I personally don't think they care. They are hoping he is going through a phase and just like last year we'll be through in a few weeks. One of the things that Kathy mentioned in her email was that she told Dana to not rush into anything. She said "Mom mentioned letting him off the hook for the mortgage payment for several months.....that would give him time to make a final decision and by then any wrinkles in your relationship should either be ironed out or ready for washing". Um ok......but don't give him a break because of perceived "wrinkles". We are NOT wrinkled. We are facing the same dilemma that 99% of all normal couples face, trying to make ends meet. The big difference is we are doing that while maintaining 2 homes. Guess we should just be a little smarter with our money.

Why am I even having this conversation with her or myself? Why does he have to ask for "permission" to do anything? If Kathy needed to sell her place or downsize or even upgrade she would just do it. She wouldn't beg for permission and for forgiveness at even having the thought. She wouldn't have to take into account any of these issues. Granted she didn't buy her place from her parents and have them hold the mortgage. But if having that kind of help made him obligated to never make any decisions on his own than what good is it?

I'm just frustrated. I don't even want him to give up the place but I don't want him stressed over money either. I take money issues very personally. Sometimes I feel like it is MY fault that he is having this trouble. Sometimes it feels like THEY think it is my fault as well. He only pays $100 a week and I have a pretty nice home. I have taken him into my heart, my home and my bed (and it's a damn nice bed too). He's certainly not living in squallor. Far from it. And my bills are not out of the ordinary for maintaining a home for three. WHy is it so hard to understand?

It feels like they don't want to know me or see where we live because then they'd have to see that I AM trying to be reasonable. I AM trying to build a good life with Dana. I AM trying NOT to expect too much from him financially. We ARE adults, making good decisions and not just a couple of kids who need to be steered in a better direction.