Sometimes

Ok...no....most of the time I just can't win.

I tried to have a conversation with Kathy in regards to Dana's trailer and it totally backfired on me. Like it always does.

Dana bought his home from his parents years ago. They gave him a deal but he is still paying for it. The deal was very good but it wasn't astronomically great and if they hadn't sold it to him they would have just sat on it. They would have had to decide whether or not to keep lights on and heat and they would have had to continue paying taxes and insurance. In short they gave Dana a deal and he gave them a deal. They especially liked having him close by and having someone they knew and trusted in the place. And it worked out great for several years, until I came along.

The place isn't big enough for me to move in with him so he moved in with me. We agreed on an amount for him to pay me to live with me. It was minimal, $100 a week and we also split groceries and plowing. Well, even at that he can't afford to keep both places. I don't know many people that could. How many of you are keeping 2 homes?

Anyways, he's feeling the pinch. I'm feeling the pinch. Just my household bills are more than 4X what he's giving me. Now I don't expect him to support me, I don't even expect half the bill money, but how many places can you live for $400 all inclusive? Except maybe with your parents?

But my problem isn't with Dana and the amount he gives me, it's the not being able to make conscious decisions regarding our finances without consulting family members. They don't want him to rent it out. They don't want him to sell it. I guess they just want him back living in it.

He's feeling the pinch financially with only paying me $400 a month, how can I ever ask for more? How can he feel good about himself as a man if I'm paying the majority of the bills? And why am I paying most of the bills so that a trailer can sit empty?

I don't want this to negatively impact his parents. They have offered to buy it back (for what he has paid into it)I was worried about them extending themselves too much to help out Dana so I tried to get a feel for things through Kathy. BAD IDEA. By the end of the conversation I was coming across as trying to milk Dana for all I could get and causing all this strife. I should just be happy with his $100 a week and splitting the food and plowing. I shouldn't be looking forward to our future and building the life we want. That life is in a vacant trailer on a lot that no one wants yet no one wants to part with.

I guess what I need to do is just sit down with him and the household bills. Set a fair but more equitable amount that he needs to contribute and let him work out where he gets it from. It's not for me to support him or worry about his finances. Obviously I'm not going to price him out of my home. I WANT to be with him. But I do think that if the tables were turned and I had moved in with him, Kathy would think $100 was a drop in the bucket and hardly equitable.