I need

A lover who won't drive me crazy

Boy John Mellancamp really knew what he was talking about.

Dana got fired last week. Needless to say there is alot of tension and just plain old fear of the unknown right now. He's ok and I'm ok...as far as all of that is concerned. It's the other bullshit that wears on me.

Earl came over yesterday to help Dana build the shed. You know...the shed that has been sitting in a pile on my front lawn all summer? Yeah, that's the one. I swear if I had left it up to Dana it would still be sitting there. I made the phone calls to get help over here and he wouldn't even call to confirm and set up times. Earl finally called him on Thursday night. You may be thinking that Dana was subconsciously not wanting to talk to Earl but that couldn't be further from the truth. They like each other and get along fine.

I'm the one who is leary of spending any time with Earl. His look, past the heads of Dana and Deb and the wink of his eye.
Why must he play this game?
Why?
Why am I even thinking about him?
Why?

He asked me to call him this afternoon. So I took Shelby for a short walk and called. "You want us to move back in don't you?"

Ummmm...No! I don't want you as a couple with her to move back in. I want what I have always known should be but you're too fucking much of a player to do! I should dump my boyfriend but you're gonna keep your girlfriend and have a little of me on the side? NO!

I want those same feelings I had with Earl but with someone who loves me like Dana does but doesn't drive me nutz like Dana does. That's what I want and what I need. I'm trying to get those things from Dana but he is so damned immature that I don't think I can last much longer. And I don't think there is any hope for the craziness to go away.