I'm over the hump

I'm not meeting Earl.

I know that I said I wasn't going to anyways but I was having that scary feeling that risking it all was ok.

I have kept very busy the last couple of nights and Sam worked late both nights which gave me a little breathing room. Much needed breathing room. I've tried to block out all thoughts of Earl. The good ones, the bad ones, the ugly ones. I've pushed it all aside. I'm not falling for that line again. I'm not risking everything for a tryst. I know it'll never be anything more.

I want what we have. A good friendship. He and Dana like each other and Debbie and I are friendly. She's a much better match for him anyways. I want things to stay like they are. I admit I like knowing that he still wants me but I hate knowing that the only time he does is when he thinks he can't have me.

I woke in the night with my hand in Sam's and it just hit me. Like a ton of bricks. He's not perfect, far from it but I do love him. Enough to not want to chance things by getting foolish with Earl.

If I was single I would hop on in a heartbeat but if I was single he wouldn't want me.