Permanent residence
It was time. It was time along time ago but I was afraid. I am no longer afraid. Home is where I hang my heart and Home is where I am comfortable and safe. Here. This place is Home now.
I'm not sure where things are going to go with Dana. The disassemblance has begun. The gloves are off so to speak. Kathy has definitely made her point in her latest post. The last post I will ever read on her blog. I am not stupid and I don't have to be hit up across the head. Any relationship I have with him will be under the huge weight of family disapproval.
I feel sick. I feel numb. I feel like I don't know how to feel. I love him and enjoy being with him. I'm in love with him. Is it crazy obsessive kind of love? No. It's more of a quiet, comfortable place. Yet not as boring as that sounds. We are passionate. We are affectionate. He is just moreso than I am and sometimes it's too much for me. I don't know why I feel like I need to explain myself. I don't know why I feel like I have change people's perceptions. I don't have that kind of power. I don't even want that kind of power.
Just being here, with you and knowing it is now permanent has lifted a weight off my shoulders. Thank you blog and most of all, thank you blog buddies for always being here when I need you most.
3 comments:
Im still here =)
*Hugs*
(((boobaby)))
you know, i felt that way about tony. i had a LOT of emotional baggage from my first marriage and i felt so inadequate, like how could he possibly love this broken shell of who i am? i had become so high maintenance that i didn't even like that i had so many needs. plus the health crap on top of it all.
but he gave me time and didn't push. when he asked me to marry him, my response was silence. i knew i was supposed to say something, anything, it was such a momentous occasion. all i could tell him was "i'm so scared." somehow, that turned into a yes. healing takes time. trust takes time.
i ♥ you, boo, just give yourself time. xoxo
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