Time, space and happiness

Can we ever get enough of these things?

I'm starting to think that I must be high maintenence. I simply cannot seem to find happiness.

When I was alone I was profoundly lonely. Painfully so. I was so devoid of human touch. Sometimes I would go months, many months at a time where the only human contact I had was with my kids. I had sex, but so rarely and always on the sly so there was nothing intimate or romantic or comforting or secure about it. It was merely a releasing of physical tensions and a stroking of my ego that someone, anyone even still wanted me.

Now I have a boyfriend and he loves me very much. I do know this and I love him too, but.....he loves me too much. It's too close, too clingy. When we are out in social situations it's great. He's affectionate and attentive and I like it. When we are home alone, he is affectionate and attentive to a fault. He actually gets mad or hurt when I push him away.

Don't get me wrong. I love the attention and the intimacy and knowing that someone does love me. And he loves me for me. few demands, little expectations. He knows my history, my faults and he is still here. And I love him for that. But I can't stand the clinginess. I can't stand that he follows me from room to room. I can't stand that when I get up to go to the bathroom (master bathroom) he is in the bedroom waiting for me to come out. I can't stand that he wants to know exactly what time I am going to call or be home or go to work and anytime I deviate from those times I get questioned.

I need space, but not too much space. I need time, but not too much time. I need happiness but not too much happiness. I need something more normal. I'm not in high school. I have responsibilities. I have other obligations. I don't have time to stand around making out for hours at a time. 3 months ago I would have given my eye teeth for that situation but the reality is I need something somewhere in the middle. I am a bit of a free bird. I need more freedom.

I don't want indifference but I can't stand obsession.