Honesty
Here in the only place I can be honest.
I miss Him. Not as profoundly as I thought I would but I miss him none the less. I haven't called and neither has he. I knew it would go like that. Soon, enough time will go by that he will be a distant memory. Soon I won't wonder how he is. Soon every song won't remind me of him. Soon.
I am walking a tightrope. Trying not to let a failed attempt and broken heart fuck things up in my current relationship. I love Dana, I do. But I'm just having a hard time not comparing. I'm having a hard time to accept the differences. I'm having a hard time talking to him and being open about my needs. I'm having a hard time.
Is it just to much going on? Am I just too over tired? Am I really ready to move on? Is Dana the one or a stepping stone? How will I ever recognize when I've been given the answers to these questions.
My feelings need to be turned to cold for one and turned to hot for the other. It's been sooo long since I have dated or been in a relationship that I just don't know if I can do it. I just don't know if I'm capable of a decent relationship. Am I just destined to be fucked up? Should I be alone and just make the best of it?
I need to talk but I can't. I need to get these negative feelings out but I can't. What if I am sealing my own fate with these ugly thoughts? Good comes to those who think good. Bad follows those who are negative. I know all that. So why can't I shake these ominous feelings?
Every now and then I guess things have to turn sour so you can thoroughly enjoy the sweetness. Things are only sour in my head. I can recognize that. Dana is good, I'm good, we are good. I just need to not think so much.
3 comments:
I think you should call me this weekend and we can chat. I would call you but I lost you number along with my phone when I flushed it in San Fran.
I know how ya feel, seriously I do and Im sorta in the same spot. Im just trying to take things real slow for now and NOT focus on the future. Just on the here and now. Babe, you cant expect to just be over him, ya know, its been goin on for a long time. Be easy on yourself and talk to Dana about your concerns. If hes "the one", he'll understand. You have to be free to feel what you feel in a relationship or its an unhealthy relationship.
Love you, call me!
why did i think this space here was gone?
here you are
struggling with questions i suppose a lot of us are all struggling with.
(((u)))
here's hoping for some sort of answers...
"One day at a time" sounds so cliche' sometimes, and it's definately easier said than done... but maybe a deep breath... and more thinking about the here and now? Im with Musey (and Leen too) he was a part of your life for a long time -and like you've told me... things like that take a while to get through..
but you know i'll be here whenever you need me hun =)
Love you!!
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