2nd thoughts.....sort of

It's been a long couple of weeks. Lots of parties, lots of family, lots of work. Could that be what the problem is or are things just not right?

He got mad, I mean really mad at me on Friday night. My mom and I had gone with the kids to Boston to see a show. It started at 5pm. I figured it would be out in about 2 hours. I told him I would call when I got back to the car. The show didn't end until 7:30ish. Fighting the crowd and finding our way to the "T" took about a half hour. We waited for the next train for about 20 min. The train ride to Malden was about a half hour. We finally got in the car and on the ride home around 9ish. We stopped for Dunkin Donuts coffee and was well on our way by 9:15ish. I saw I had a missed called from him so I dialed his number. Filled with excitement and exuberance over the awesome show we had just seen, I couldn't wait to tell him about it. It was all short lived:
"where have you been? I thought you would call about an hour ago."

"I've been trying to get back to the car."

"I thought you would call by 8pm. The show started at 5pm, you said it was 2 hours long which would make it 7pm and allowing time for the ride out of the city, you should have been in your car over an hour ago."

"I'm sorry. The show started a little late, lasted longer than we thought, the crowd was a mad rush"

"Well, you could have at least called to let me know where you were and that you're ok. You act like you are still alone and that no one cares about you."

"Dana, I'm with my mom and kids. We are fine, it's nothing to get all worked up about."

"I'm sick of you not taking my feelings into account. I'm sick of you just doing whatever you want to do without any concern for my feelings"

His voice is deep and carries. My mom could hear every word. I finally told him we would talk about it when I get home.

"Is he always this controlling?" Mom asked with a nervous raised eyebrow.

"No, I'm totally blown away"

Keeping peace. Making it work. Going along. Those aren't in my vocabulary anymore. I will not force the pieces to fit in the puzzle. If it's not natural then it's not meant to be. I will not live on the end of a leash. I will not "check in" with anyone. Will I be courteous and let you know where I am? Yes. Will I call you with a blow by blow account of my day or my plans? NO FUCKING WAY.

It feels controlling. It feels like I'm being smothered. It feels like he doesn't know how to ease from a new relationship where all the time is spent hugging and kissing into a more normal relationship where you have to get things done. It feels like I am constantly being mindful of his feelings. That doesn't sound right. I AM mindful of his feelings but darn-it-all I shouldn't be on eggshells. I shouldn't have to worry if I don't call at the same exact second I said I would. Shit happens. All the time. And I tend to run late. I tend to lose track of time. I tend to get sidetracked. I was with my mother for God's sake.

Now it feels strained. Now I feel like I need a break. Not a long break or a breaking up break, just a break. I need my house back.

Was it too much too soon? I'm trying to stay calm and not read to much into things. It has been a busy week after all. But it's been a tired week for me too. Did he over react? Am I now over reacting? I think we need to talk more about all this and other expectations.