All is right with the world

Almost.

In time. And not a very a long time things will be put into motion.

He told me yesterday that he knows I have reservations. He knows that I'm worried it will be the same old story. He knows all that. He PROMISED this time is different. This time it will be about US. And we won't be waiting for Spring. He said "baby, I'm making you a solemn promise that this time we are going to make it work".

I hope so. I told him that I hope so. And I told him that I believe him. Because I do. This time is a charm.

We will try to let the others down gently but the fact of the matter is they are adults and will just have to figure out things on their own.

Dana and I are already starting to see the end coming. He pulled some immature crap with me on Saturday and I put him on notice. I told him I am done with those head games. I am done with his "kidding and taking it a little too far". I am done. He knows I mean it because yesterday I went shoe shopping, alone. He didn't call or text. I was gone about 3 hours (got some nice Eastlands). It was nice to just roam the shops and look at what I want when I want. I vacuumed my car. I didn't have to deal with a thousands questions on why would I pay $1.25 for the vacuum when I could just use the one at home. I got a jamocha shake at Arby's without the same old question "that's all your getting?".

The shed is mostly done. Dana still has some work to do on it. You'd think it was the Sistine Chapel as long as this is taking to finish. Dana has no initiative to get it done and I've lost all patience. It just seems like he only works on what I'm working on. He's been out of work for over a month now and we are no further ahead on the outdoor winterizing than we were a month ago. I guess that is part of my frustration. He doesn't have the get up and go. I know I shouldn't compare because everyone is different but I just want something different. I want someone who is fine with heading out to do the yardwork without always checking up and making sure that I'm working too. After the day that Dana stood and watched me shovel the dirt out from around the pool, I knew I was done. I knew this isn't what I'm looking for. I want someone who I can work togeher with but also someone who knows and understands and appreciates all that I do and not always checking up and accusing me of doing nothing. (yeah, did you know that I do NOTHING around the house? Yup, absolutely nothing as far as Dana is concerned)

I guess it really is time to make all this happen but there are still some obstacles. How it's going to work out is not yet worked out. Dana and I have tickets to 2 different shows over the next month and a half. One set of the tickets is no big deal because I bought them but I feel like I should buy the Jeff Dunham tickets from him since one of my co-workers is supposed to go with us. I don't know how things are going to work out with Earl and Deb in Dana's trailer. There is going to be double moving. Double fights. Double hurt feelings. Double anger. Double hostilities. And a million-fold trouble.

I think Earl wants to wait until Spring to put off the inevitable but will set his wheels in motion as soon as I do. I think he is just not wanting to go through all the BS but that is unavoidable. When he was over on Sat I couldn't be near him but on the other hand I couldn't stay away. He hugged me when they left (like he always does) and quickly whispered "soon". He called yesterday afternoon and said he couldn't take it much longer. He told me he loves me, is in love with me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. And he said that he knows he's hurt me over and over in the past but this time it's about me and us and he hopes that I feel the same way about him. I admitted I was afraid of being set up. I admitted that I love him, always have. I told him that I don't just love him, I'm in love with him and I told him that I love him in a much deeper way than just being in love. Yeah I want to jump his bones but my feelings are much deeper than that. He replied that he understands completely and said he feels the same way. He says we have gone down too many roads only to end up back here so it must be so that we should be together.

I feel like there is so much to say yet I don't want to jinx things. There is so much that I'm feeling that it scares me. My stomach is in a knot. I care about Dana and don't want to hurt him but that's unavoidable. I don't want to hurt Deb either but again, how can it be any other way? I have hurt for so long over this that even though I don't want to hurt others I can't give up my dream. I can't let it go this time.

**sigh** I really need a nap!