Poking my head out

Why was I afraid?

I had written a post then I got scared and took it down. But this morning I realized that this IS my happy place. This IS my safe place. You all know me and know my issues and know my dumb decisions and still you care. You don't judge, you don't critizize. You just care. You offer up encouragement and honesty and every once in a while a slap up across the head, which I need. But you have never made me feel inadequate or stupid or like a loser. So the post is back.

Since that time I have accomplished most of the items on my list. Dana knows about Earl and Earl knows about Dana. My Best Bud knows about both of them and was concerned but not angry or disappointed in me. Life is ok.

I had a good weekend. I went to see Shrek the Third with Dana. We brought Sarah too. It was a good time. It feels good. It feels natural. We are taking it slow. We are not back together and have agreed that we just don't know if that will ever happen again. But for now we are just enjoying each other's company. His family is questioning him a little but he is keeping mum. He knows they will have a fit and fall into it. he thinks his parents will be fine but Kathy? Well....she is another whole can of worms. I asked if he thought she would put a hit out on me? He laughed then seriously told me that if she ever bothers me to let him know and he will take care of it. Seems like foolishness since we are just friends but you know how she can be.

It is nice though. It's like in the beginning only not as intense. He's normal and relaxed. Not following me around. Not hanging on me like a bad coat. Respecting my space. And I am being sensitive to his feelings too. Truthfully I really don;t know where it will go. I could see it going either way. It will take alot more time in order for it to go into a relationship. That's time that we both agree we have. No worries. No rush. And if it doesn't go in that direction that's fine too. We can both come away from this in a better place.

On a bright note (not to say it's all gloom and doom) it seems that my older child will indeed graduate. I am sitting here with my breath held and I'm not exhaling yet. There are still three more weeks for this to get screwed up but I am starting to feel a twinge of hope. I'm starting to think about planning some sort of gathering to celebrate. I'm starting to feel like it could be a happy ending.