Out of control

I am getting new carpet today. Over the last few days my brother has been moving furniture and ripping up carpet. Getting ready. Last night was the big push. We took apart my bed and all of my bedroom furniture. Pulled up the carpet and pad in there. I was in total shock at the amount of fine silt dirt under the pad. I was actually embarrassed that anyone besides me got to see it. Guess it is the nature of the beast.

Dana offered to help with this process. I know what you're thinking. But it's difficult. I will have to end things soon. For good. I will have no choice. When Earl comes home, it will be over. Not because I could get together with Earl (given past history I doubt that will happen) but because Dana knows our history and is not favorable on a friendship there. Unfortunately mine and Dana's relationship has deteriorated to such a place that my friendship with Earl is more important than a relationship with Dana. That hasn't always been true. As a matter of fact I felt for awhile like Dana and I could have something really wonderful but I know now that we can't. If I can't have both then Dana is gone.

But he is gone anyways. Has nothing to do with Earl. We were on the skids awhile ago. I did the official breakup thing before I had even been back in contact with Earl. It's just a matter of officially ripping off that band aid and being done with it. I don't know what I'm waiting for. I really don't.

Anyways....last night he was over and helped out. He was a big help. Physically. He moved furniture and ripped up carpet and pulled out staples and vacuumed and sweeped. He did alot. I would have been lost without him. But emotionally? He drove me crazy. He acted like he was doing most/all of the work. I didn't dare sit down until every last thing was done which was about 11:30pm last night. I was exhausted. At one point my brother and I were carrying out my bed frame and Dana was standing watching. It wasn't a bad thing. But all of a sudden I couldn't help but think that there was no way Earl would have let me carry anything heavy like that. There is no way he would have stood and watched me struggle with it. And I missed him. SO much so that I could feel the tears in the back of my eyes and a huge lump in throat. I was tired which didn't help.

A little while later Shelby brought me back around. I don't know what got into her but she started running in a circle and chasing her tail. I could not stop laughing. She looked drunk when she stopped. She was stumbling and swaggering. Then she chased her tail in the reverse direction. OMG...I thoguth I was going to pee my pants. She made me laugh so hard. I wish I could have captured her escapades on video.

Hopefully things will be back in order this weekend and I'll have pics to post. I also have another surprise but I'm waiting to reveal that.